


The Spanish King Is Plotting Again

by Dracothelizard



Category: Horrible Histories
Genre: Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-10
Updated: 2011-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracothelizard/pseuds/Dracothelizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The King of Spain is less fond fond of his new wife, and a lot more fond of the man who married them in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spanish King Is Plotting Again

Even though the wedding had been a strange one, the Archbishop felt it his duty to congratulate King Philip on his recent marriage. Besides, Queen Mary was sobbing on the shoulders of one of her ladies-in-waiting, and the Archbishop wasn't very comfortable around crying women. Or women in general, really.   
  
“Congratulations, your Highness,” the Archbishop said, drawing the king's attention away from his friend for a moment.  
  
“Ah, ghello, your excellency!” The king grinned at him, then turned to his friend to quietly say something in Spanish. The friend then nodded, and swiftly left. “I had been hoping to speek with you!”   
  
“Did you, your Highness?” The Archbishop smiled back benignly. No doubt it was about some matter of the faith.  
  
The king nodded. “Si, si, I was theenking, instead of Mary, ghow about you join me on my wedding night?”   
  
The Archbishop stared at the grinning Spaniard. "I, er, think your English is not as good as you think, your Highness."   
  
"No no no, my English ees fine!" King Philip said. "And so are you!"   
  
It was time to back away slowly now. "Oh gosh, is it that late already? I have to go and lead a service now."  
  
"I ghave always loved a devoted Catholic," King Philip said, looking him up and down.  
  
"Yes, well, I'm very devoted. Can't get more devoted, actually, as I am the Archbishop," he explained, but the Spaniard was still moving closer and leering at him. "Which means I'm celibate. I don't marry or have sex," he added for clarification. "It's against the rules."  
  
"Gwho cares about zee rules! I'm King Philip of Spain and England!" He grinned at the Archbishop again. "Ooh, I am so bad."   
  
The Archbishop, for once, was inclined to agree.   
  
“So, how about eet?” the king asked, and winked at him.  
  
“I'm afraid I must decline your, er, generous offer,” The Archbishop replied, and then hurried off.   
  
***  
  
The royal wedding feast was, of course, a magnificent party with an even more magnificent banquet. The Archbishop sipped from his Spanish wine as he tried to decide between more duck or more pork. As far as the food was concerned, this was an excellent wedding, and it seemed that most of the noble guests were enjoying themselves. He glanced at around, and saw King Philip laugh with some Spanish and Portuguese nobles. Queen Mary, however, was sitting in a corner with some of her ladies-in-waiting, looking very unhappy.  
  
He really should go to the Queen and attempt to dispense some wisdom to make her feel better, but as he looked at her crestfallen face and then at the cheerfulness surrounding King Philip, he knew which half of the couple he'd rather talk to, indecent proposals or not.  
  
***  
  
“Ah, your Excellency, ghow nice of you to join us,” King Philip told him as he entered their circle. “I hope you won't be leaving us any time soon.” He grinned and raised his eyebrows meaningfully at that.  
  
The Archbishop just smiled, and sipped from his wine rather than reply.  
  
“Well, he has to stay to weetness the consumnation, no?” the King's friend replied, nudging the king and then laughing with the rest of the men.   
  
King Philip scowled at his friends. “Do not remind me of zat!” He was about to sip from his goblet, then noted it was empty. “We need more wine! Servants!”  
  
Immediately, one of the servants rushed over to fill the king's goblet, as well as those of his friends. The Archbishop was too late to politely refuse when the servant glanced at him before filling his cup too. Well, it was a very fine wine.  
  
***  
  
He wasn't entirely sure where his hat had ended up, and he didn't entirely care either. The Spanish king turned out to be a charming fellow indeed, and very pleasant company. Why on Earth had this handsome man decided to marry Queen Mary? He could probably have found a prettier noble lady with ease.   
  
“Your excellency, I need to talk to you,” King Philip said quietly, while his friends were distracted by a pretty servant girl. “Eet ees important!”   
  
The Archbishop hoped it wasn't about some complicated religious issue. “Right now?”  
  
“Si, si, right now,” King Philip said, and took the Archbishop by the arm to lead him away. “We should go somewhere a beet more quiet.”  
  
That was an excellent idea, and he told the king so as he led the Archbishop down the hallways of the castle, and up some stairs.  
  
***  
  
When the Archbishop woke up, he had a terrible headache and was feeling quite confused. He stared at the bed, which was certainly not his, and then at the person sharing the bed, who definitely wasn't his either. “Er,” he said, as the Spanish king winked at him.  
  
“Good morning,” King Philip told him, as he slid closer. “I now see why they call you 'your excellency'.”   
  
The Archbishop blushed furiously, and backed away. “Look, your Highness...”  
  
The king pushed him down on the mattress, grinning at him as he leaned over the Archbishop. “Call me Philip,” he purred.   
  
“Well, yes, I suppose that's – look, Philip, this is highly inappropriate, and illegal. Not to mention sinful,” the Archbishop started, but the king silenced him with a kiss.   
  
“I know, I am so bad,” the king replied.   
  
As Philip started to kiss down his body, the Archbishop thought that actually, the king was really rather good.


End file.
